Since my 3rd Chemotherapy treatment on 30th September, I have had a feeling of being just a number on an endless medical merry-go-round. Everyone is doing their job, but to me there is one missing ingredient, the spirit. Yes there are nice people to greet us and there are some that are not so nice who wish to cast their opinion/blame/give a little judgment. But what I miss most of all is that few minutes of your time or self. It cost nothing, but gives so much.
This week I have told 2 people this story ….I call him John…….
It was Friday lunch time at a little French café in Darlinghurst. In between a couple of medical appointments Mum and I had decided to get a bite to eat. This was a rare opportunity to have some time together. We chose a table outside on the walkway where we could enjoy the spring weather. We had a very nice waiter; he was French, from Paris. We chatted about my recent trip to the South of France back in May and he then he took our order. Another gentleman, very tall, thin, smartly dressed sat at the table of 4 next to us. He had water to drink and proceeded to smoke a cigarette. Mum and I do not smoke, but it was far enough away not to cause us a problem. After a short time a second gentleman walked up and started to talk to the man, then joined him at his table. Conversation got heated between the two and then the first gentleman got up and went inside the café. On returning he had a waitress, who in the pleasantest way she could, said that he could not sit at this table as it was taken, but to move to another table on the other side of me. Words ensued by both parties and eventually with the gift of water and ice he reluctantly moved tables.
As he sat next to me I noticed that he had an ear piece fitted. With the way he spoke it was apparent that he had a hearing issue and that was why his speech was not easy to understand.
Our meals arrived and I enjoyed the mushroom soup. I did comment to Mum “her soup was much better”. The man that had been moved had his water to drink, but continued making angry gestures, mumbled conversation towards the first man. Here I was, caught in the middle of a war, an opportunity for time with Mum and this was happening. I had a choice – ignore what was going on around us or do something about it. So I turned to the second man, look him in the eyes and said “Be Nice”. I think he was taken aback by this, he looked at me and I repeated “be nice” and to my surprise, he did. I explained that I was here with my mum and we are enjoying a nice meal and time together. He stopped the issue with the other man and even put out the cigarette that I requested him to extinguish while I was eating. I listened to him for a few minutes and then I continued my meal.
Throughout the time he only had water and ice. He patted me on the arm and we had a brief conversation. I learnt that he was deaf and he had a hearing piece. He didn’t learn sign language but learnt to speak although most people didn’t understand him as you had to give him your full attention.
He also told me that it was his birthday. He never asked for money, a meal and/or made us feel uncomfortable. He did ask for one thing, if he could have a hug/kiss. On telling him I was leaving I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, wish him happy birthday.
While paying the bill I spoke to the waitresses and the one that had moved him said “you gave him a lot of time – he is drunk isn’t he”, I was stunned at this statement. The judgment had been made and the condemnation of this man made before even a word had been exchanged by them. I informed her that he was deaf and that is why his speech was not great. He was asking for ice not wine as she had thought. I asked if something could be organized for him a small meal or coffee which I was happy to pay for and they said they would sort out something, no problem.
When I returned to mum outside he had left. Mum said he had walked down the street, turning to see her, blowing kisses with a skip in his step. The people sitting at the table behind us had said to mum that we had given time to that man and she told them it was his birthday. They said to her “you gave him the best present”.
We did not only give that day, we received because of the joy that comes to my heart when I think of that experience. I hope that in some small way, someone will not be so quick to judge and that others will embrace someone else. Our time cost us nothing….and the message is to be grateful for the simplest of lives pleasures.
Thank you John….
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