“Take care of your body it is the only place you have to
live”, this is so true. Over the past
week I have been feeling the occasional sharp pain in and around, my newly
reconstructed left breast. Is it stress?
Is it my body telling me to look after myself, slow down and BREATHE? Maybe it is to just be still and nurture me
at this time. Maybe my body is asking me
to reconnect to me. I don’t know? But I
am asking questions “what is right about this I cannot see yet?” and I have an
open mind to see the answers be revealed in Divine time.
Even though, I am moving forward in my own personal journey
of change. I still sometimes forget to
see the amazing changes physically, mentally and spiritually that I have been
through especially this past two years.
I have thoughts of a song “if a picture paints a thousand words”, well
my story was vividly revealed to me two days ago. While I was looking for a photo of a friend’s
husband that was taken at my 50th birthday in July, I saw the photo
file of me topless on a beach in the South of France, the holiday that hubby
& I went on just after the diagnoses with breast cancer in May 2010. I am so glad that I have these to see as it is
my way of embracing me, to acknowledge my body and be free of insecurity,
judgement or embracement of my breasts and torso. My story is in pictures from the beginning
where I can see that the nipple of my left breast was dipping inwards almost
like collapsing compared to my healthy right breast. I didn’t want to believe that there was
anything wrong at the time I was diagnosed, because I felt well and healthy; I
also had to believe that what if I could change it and my breast to be
well. “What would it take?” Well in my case it was revealed that it would
take surgery, to have my left breast removed and for many medical treatments
and another surgery to create a new breast from another part of my body. Seeing
the photos of my body just prior to reconstruction surgery in January 2012,
having only my right breast and no scare along the bikini line where they cut
me from one hip to the other, using my stomach muscle to rebuild my
cleavage. I would like to say what an
amazing job my surgeons did at the removal and reconstruction. I so
appreciate the care and expertise they took to make my body as we say “normal”
whatever that is? The strength it has
taken, to have the courage to walk this journey of change and learning, has
been a focused and determined one on my part.
I have at the end of the day had to walk this journey, supporting
me. Yes, I have had many people come in
and out and some have stayed, but we all have our part to play the best way we
know how.
There are so many energies and shifts happening around me at
this moment. Time seems to have speeded
up and lessons coming faster to learn and old thinking patterns and experiences
are being revisited for letting go. Transformations of who we are. With the Mayan Calender completion approaching
in December 2012, it is not only me that is feeling this overwhelming energy of
change.
I have been scared these past few days because it has been a
huge path I have had to walk. I don’t
want to have to do it again; I have cried many tears because, I am human. I am not bullet proof. I am bones, skin,
tissue, dna on a physical level and it
is ok to acknowledge that. I have these feelings. I will make decisions to
assist me for what to do next. I also
have had to terms that my reality world is moving with my adult daughter moving
out of home and spreading her wings to fly in her new chapters of life.
What I felt drawn to
do this morning was to massage my body especially my breast to connect to
release the tension in and around them.
Nurturing me. Society has
portrayed the breast as a way of feeding our children, or as sexual pleasure
for the man. How often do you view your breasts as your way of feeling
pleasure? How often do you look at yourself naked in the mirror as see beauty
of your body? Or do you just see the flaws or imperfections? How many women say “Wow, what a beautiful,
sensual and ravishing Goddess, I am”
Copy righted to Ros Clarkson 2012.
